


he.

by teokkityun



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: A Great Deal Of Repressed Feelings, Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, First Kiss, Kissing, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, but it does not point in the Happy direction LAUGH CRY CAT EMOJI, inspired by She by Dodie, lapslock / everything in lower caps, please no one let me listen to dodie music ever again for the rest of my life, this is actually just about 1k words of suffering and pining why the hell did i write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:35:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27298756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teokkityun/pseuds/teokkityun
Summary: he smells like lavender and sleephe tastes like gummy bears and peachhe tastes like birthday cake, and storytime, and fallbut to him, i taste of nothing at all
Relationships: Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 19
Kudos: 70





	he.

taehyun doesn't understand huening kai.

well, he does. but he doesn't. he knows him like the back of his hand, can predict exactly what meal he'll buy from any restaurant they go to together, knows what his taste in music is, has his bubble tea order memorised, knows the full names of every pet he's ever owned. 

and yet, he doesn't know him at all, sometimes.

"taehyunie, have you ever kissed someone before?"

taehyun hovers in place for a split second. tries not to let it show that the question made him entirely lose track of the math equation he'd been in the middle of solving. fails, probably, but kai is distracted too. so what does it matter? 

"yeah, i guess," he says, not looking up. 

"you guess?"

taehyun sighs and puts his pen down. "fine, not guess. i have." kai is already looking at him, his pink mechanical pencil dangling from between his lips, fingers tapping against his cheeks thoughtfully. taehyun feels the taller boy's knees knocking against his under the familiar coffee table that doubles as a workdesk in kai's room. they're sharing it to study; they always do. 

he knocks kai's knees in return. 

"who?" kai asks. taehyun shrugs. "my first girlfriend, when i was 14." it wasn't much. neither of them had any experience at the time and they'd both been too nervous, so it was awkward, tense, and overall... not great. they'd broken up less than a week after it happened.

"what's it like?" kai asks. taehyun's gaze wanders across the room as he thinks. "mmm... not like the movies make you believe. there aren't any fireworks and sparklers going off in your head when it happens," he replies. then, "you've never kissed anyone before?" he finds that somewhat hard to believe. kai is objectively beautiful. ask anyone in their class, and they'd definitely name the tall boy with shiny chocolate eyes and a head of messy brown waves as one of the prettiest boys in their whole cohort. hell, one of the prettiest  _ people _ in their whole cohort, full stop. taehyun's not biased, of course. he's just one of his closest classmates. well, okay. maybe that makes him a little biased. 

kai shakes his head. "taehyunie, no one's ever had a crush on me." taehyun frowns, and it must be so obvious that he doesn't agree with that statement that kai starts laughing, his mechanical pencil falling from between his teeth and hitting the wooden table with a clatter. "i'm serious," kai insists, but taehyun only frowns deeper. "there's no way," taehyun shakes his head. "they were all just not brave enough to tell you. i'm sure of it. you're one of the most beautiful people i know. inside and out."

kai is silent, and taehyun can tell he's thinking about something. he's just not sure what. it's strange, taehyun thinks, how kai can be both an open book and a complete mystery at the same time. it pulls at his breath, tugs at his mind. makes taehyun ache to know, in ways he doesn't quite understand.

"taehyunie, have you ever kissed a boy before?"

or maybe he does understand, and he just doesn't want to face it. 

the air is prickly all of a sudden, like he's inhaling dust and ash instead of oxygen. it stings. not unpleasantly. "no," taehyun says, but he can't really hear how it sounds, doesn't really think about it either. because taehyun is too focused on the way kai has placed his right hand on taehyun's left elbow, barely-there, playing with the fabric of his old, worn out sweater. 

"have you ever wanted to?"

kai's voice is so small. more like breaths than words. taehyun can only hear him because he's leaning across the table, leaning closer, and for a split second, he sees those chocolate eyes dart down to his lips before flying back up to catch his gaze again. 

taehyun thinks he might lose his mind.

taehyun only realises he's been leaning in too when all of a sudden he's close enough for the familiar scent of lavender and vanilla to flood his senses. he knows that shampoo. knows it a little too well. you see, it becomes all too easy to recognise a scent when you spend so much of your time pretending that the smell of it doesn't drive you crazy. every hug, every piggyback ride, every walk, side-by-side, from their classroom to the cafeteria. every time taehyun has fallen asleep on kai's shoulder on the train ride home, waking up only when they reach their stop because kai nudges his knee. every night he's spent sleeping over in kai's room. 

lavender and vanilla smell like the peace of belonging and the ache of wanting, both at once.

taehyun doesn't know whether it's his chest or his head that hurts more.

they're so close now, taehyun could count every eyelash framing those familiar eyes. he feels like he's standing on the edge of a very dangerous crevice, with no bottom in sight. there nothing but pure darkness below, for miles and miles. it terrifies him to his core.

why does he want it?

"taehyunie?" 

when kai whispers, he can feel his breath on his lips. it's warm, it's gentle, and in that very instant, something in taehyun breaks.

" _yes_." it's an answer. it comes out sounding like a plea. 

but then nothing matters anymore because kai closes the last of the distance, presses his lips against taehyun's, and taehyun feels like he could cry. his chest is completely falling apart, disintegrating, his heart is beating so fast it bruises his ribs from the inside, his lungs are stuttering. it aches so badly, and yet it feels perfect, so, so absolutely perfect. 

so this is how it feels, taehyun thinks at the back of his mind, to be so scared of wanting something that you never even let yourself believe that you want it. it feels surreal, in that moment, both to finally be letting himself acknowledge that he's wanted this for so, so long, and to _have_ the very thing that he'd always been so afraid of wanting. 

his head spins, and he stops thinking. the only thing left in his mind is the taste of gummy bears and peach lip balm. his chest feels tight. 

when kai pulls away, taehyun pushes down the painful urge to chase after his lips a second time. he pulls back too, catches his breath. kai's hand is still on his elbow.

he looks up at kai, and the taller boy pauses for a moment before smiling. but it's not a familiar smile. it's a smile taehyun can't read. 

"you're right," he says then with a quiet laugh,

"there weren't any fireworks."

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for suffering with me feel free to hmu on twt @tyunningprint !!  
> kudos and comments are always appreciated TuT


End file.
